Impressed

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You are amazing. Really, truly, you are. Today is day EIGHT for you quitting smoking. I am so proud – that is amazing! I am even more impressed with all the driving that you’ve been doing. It’s easily been 3-400 miles that we’ve been cruising in the car, and I know that isn’t easy for you.

To add to the fact, I’m honestly very surprised with how well you’re doing this time around in general. I was ready for you to be angry and irritated. You’ve just been a bundle of laughter though this past week. You’ve been joking non stop and making me so happy. And for that, I also appreciate you.

I love you more than you could ever imagine. I love how dedicated you are and strong willed. You got this no smoking thing in the bag. I know it’s hard for you to see the benefits to it now, but I hope ten years down the road that you will be thankful and happy that you did. However it ends up down the road though, I am so proud to call you my boyfriend. You are my inspiration and motivation.

With love.

This is for the guy…

This is for the guy who has changed my whole world around.
The guy that showed me what a listening ear is.
The guy that knows when to tell it to me straight.
This if for the guy who challenges me with new adventures.
And the guy that shares in a laugh when I try and epically fail.
This is for the guy that knows in the power of a phone call—even when not many words are shared.
The guy who invents new words in order to see his girl laugh.
This is for the guy who has a great taste in music.
The guy with patience to teach his girl stick shift.
The guy who goes dancing and paints with his girl on date night.
This is for the guy who didn’t rush his girl into anything.
The guy who lets her fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat.
The guy who tells her he loves her every chance he gets.
This is for the guy that adds coffee to his creamer.
The guy who could live off of bagels.
The guy who could also live in the clouds with climbing everything in sight.
This is for the guy who lives life to the fullest.
The guy who has made his girl the happiest in her life.
The guy his girl can’t get enough of.

Happy early Valentine’s Day. I love all that you are.

Tell Me All Your Secrets

You know how you can tell when something’s up, but just can’t place what it is? This would accurately describe my boyfriend’s family being so very chipper when talking to me and telling me such sweet things.

I know I spent the whole summer with his family, have been gone for three months, and am about to go back for the winter holidays, but it’s something more than that.

I understand that his mother is one thing, because moms will be moms, and she is a very sweet one at that. However, the other males in his family have raised an eyebrow. I mean, am I that desirable to Snapchat? We’ve even had decent conversations—given it was about two lines of text, but that’s a major improvement. Plus, it was hella funny; a little inside joke of the family. But then it was at that moment that I thought: how the hell did I get to be on the inside loop?

Now, I’m not meaning to make his family sound like they’re sour people and exclude others at all. They’re quite nice; they just don’t show that underneath layer all the time. So it makes me rather inquisitive with why they’re choosing to show me. What have I done to prove worthy of some extra care and consideration from them? I mean, it’s not everyday that you have them tell you that you’re the best thing that has ever happened to Ben.

And it’s with moments like those that keep me coming back for more.

A New Mentality of How to Act

I had been battling myself for THREE months. The bubbly, happy-go-lucky, super kind-hearted me had just disappeared. I didn’t know how to even act normally any more. I felt like what I thought, was the exact opposite of how I acted.

I’m usually totally enthralled with whatever I do. Go to a movie I have no interest in seeing? Sure. Hang out with someone else’s friends? Sounds good. Do a boring errand with someone? Okay. I see everything as an adventure. I love being that kind person that does everything for everyone. I love being the people pleaser.

I’m always trying to be the best I can be, but lots of people had been telling me that I need to take a break. I need to do me for a while. That sounded like a plan to me since I’m going to be graduating this year. So it became me thinking about what I’m doing with my life. It became self discovery and truly trying to find things that made me happy—my wants.

Well, I feel like that plan turned up on it’s head since I couldn’t shake this overwhelmingly feeling of disappointment as soon as something didn’t go slightly my way. All summer living in Wisconsin I loved what we were doing: sailing, fishing, driving everywhere, my job working at the farmer’s markets, drinking at friend’s houses…But I was always pissed off. I got even more frustrated because I knew I was pissed for no damn good reason at all.

Though now taking a break from it, I could finally shed light on myself again. I was happy with my previous adventures because my trajectory of where I was going in life didn’t change. I made those big plans, stuck with them, and saw them followed through. That made me happy—being independent, and so doing nice things all the time was effortless. It was like having accessories to my story. However, living in Wisconsin was a huge wake up call that this new state and way of living could be my story—nothing I had planned for.

I was soon asking myself in every situation if this was the life I wanted? Was this me to live this way? Were these situations a part of my plans? When in essence, the new big plan that I didn’t anticipate (Wisconsin, the people there, it’s culture, etc.) shouldn’t be what I ask is me or not. Frankly, what is? We all change so much in our lives that who I was when I was 9, isn’t who I am now, and who am now, isn’t who I will be when I’m 40. What I should be asking is if I’m true to myself when I’m in a new situation? Am I still being the person I know and love? Everyone should be able to meet that girl. And if I’m happy with myself, I should be happy no matter the situation. I’ve always been myself in the unpredictable world of traveling, so I should just think of Wisconsin as an extended vacation. Right?

So here’s to traveling smiles.

Hinting a Proposal

Big news that I kind of don’t know what to do with. So let me tell you my awkward story… (what’s new?)

Set-up:
My boyfriend and I are currently long distance, me being in Oregon and him in Wisconsin. Things are going extremely well, and I think this has given us a chance to get to know more of each other. Because are you really going to talk to each other about work and school every day?—no. So we’ve had some outstandingly deep conversations, where I didn’t even know conversations could get that deep. Nevertheless, they’ve been lovely, and they have made our communication and bond go off the charts.

Fast forward:
I found myself snap chatting away with my boyfriend on the 28th. I couldn’t find my hiking boots, and he snap chatted a picture of them. Great—they’re in Wisconsin. Then he continued to snap all these photos of my belongings. (Here’s the awkward part). He snapped a photo of his penis in the mix of all the things he said belonged to me. I laughed, and replied with, “You’re penis isn’t mine.” He quickly commented back, “Well, basically it is. So long as you continue to be my girlfriend/wife.”

I’m sorry. Wait…WIFE!?!?!

I instantly ran downstairs to my best friend’s apartment bawling my eyes out in joy. For earlier that day, I was literally thinking, “what in the world am I doing?” to myself. I love Benjamin (my boyfriend) to pieces. We’ve talked somewhat about me moving out permanently to Wisconsin after we graduate, etc. But I started to have these inklings of this was all a good idea or not. Am I some dumb 20 year old who’s a hopeless romantic? Is this even going to work out? Who am I doing all this for? Is this in my plans? Does he really love me as much as he say he does? He started to comment earlier that he loves me more than I could ever imagine. Of course I’m going to jump to conclusions and think that he wants to marry me, but let’s be realistic, he’s just being nice. Though I guess he loves me more than I chose to imagine.

But now I have a very serious situation. This is no longer a teenage girl’s dream, this is reality. This is no longer just another relationship, this is being committed—for life. And shit, this came out of the blue.

Okay, love came out of the blue. This passion and full force love erupted from two people I honestly thought would never speak to each other again after our first date. But now I’m wanting to say “yes” to someone who has captured my heart more than he could ever imagine.

…yes?

Wisconsin Don’tcha Knoooow?

Over the summer, I was able to live in lands distant and exotic – ahem – in Wisconsin. Yeah, big deal, right? Well, actually, I had one of my most eye-opening experiences when I lived there.

It’s an amazing thing when you are no longer looking at the world around you through the lens of a traveler. Instead, you’re a resident, somewhat forced to live and think and act like the people there do. You’re trying not to be the obvious outsider. I don’t know how to describe it very well, but Wisconsin was a lot more lowbrow than I was envisioning it. Especially coming from the leanest state, Colorado, to one of the most obese states.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my country way of living. I love rolling up my sleeves and getting dirty. I earn my keep through hard work. I enjoy going to the shooting range and working in the horse stalls. None of those “country” things were an issue for me—I quite frankly loved it. Though I was surprised by how different the personality of Wisonsinites were.

Yes, I realize “lowbrow” isn’t very polite, but it was culture shock. I found myself thinking: “That’s funny?” “We’re eating that for dinner?” “That’s entertainment?” I found myself struggling to hangout with anyone. It was more frustrating because I was all for the new adventures like learning how to sail. However, to deal with the people during that journey was a whole different story. I didn’t quite understand what it was either, and still don’t. I think it might have been a slight bit of fear with the fact of Wisconsin begin a permanent home (moving in with my boyfriend). Since Wisconsin wasn’t in my plans of future places to live, it was an intimidating thought that this is how it could be.

Thankfully, halfway through the summer, words of wisdom came this guy working at a bicycle shop. After discussing the area and such, he said: “In the end, it doesn’t matter where you’re living or what you’re out doing. What matters is who you’re with to make the adventure worthwhile.”

 It’s true. Sure, I may not have enjoyed the topics of discussion, or liked the area that much. However, I did thoroughly enjoy my company, and I should have been appreciating them all the while. They made me laugh, they were always up for doing new things and they were the friendliest and kindest people I think I have ever met. Simply put, Wisconsinites make excellent company.

It was a lesson in “going with the flow” and definitely appreciating the little things in life. Sure, perhaps certain things weren’t on my top list to do or talk about, but people were always making sure that you had a good time.

And now that I’ve been away, guess who’s looking to move to Wisconsin after graduation?